Friday Angst: the sacrifice

Sunday, December 10, 1995 6:30 am (Age 14)

I can’t sleep for worry and pain. Today I have decided to talk to Melissa about Kevin. She always says that she hates him, which makes me angry and jealous. Kevin likes the girl who is mean and doesn’t like him, while I really like him and would never throw ice at his face.

Yesterday at lunch, Kevin kept looking at me and screaming that I was scaring him. I replied that I would throw my hot chocolate at him if he continued to be so rude, but he answered that his cup was fuller. Later, Melissa told me that she would have thrown it at him.

Kevin’s teasing isn’t violent, but throwing hot liquid at him to ruin his clothes and make him walk around wet and cold all day is violent.

Anyway, I’m going to talk to Melissa next time she brings up how cruel Kevin is, and I will tell her that Kevin wonders why she hates him enough to throw ice at his head. I’ll tell her that Kevin is a good person and all good people deserve to be treated with kindness, even if they tease you a lot. Kevin’s personality is Kevin’s personality, and there’s nothing wrong with it unless he hurts you in some way.

Kevin will probably never learn how I am going to stand up for him. Maybe Melissa will realize what I am trying to tell her and be kinder to Kevin. Maybe they will find that they really like each other and start going out. That would hurt so much.

Because I like him so much that I’m willing to stand up for him, he may go out with Melissa, who hates him. I feel like the Little Mermaid who loved a man so much that she gave up her life to try to gain his love. She walked in pain each and every day, her tongue tied. Then, even though she went through so much for the prince, he fell in love with another woman who had never done anything for him. And to save him, the mermaid plunged a knife deep into her own heart and was only rewarded for her pain and love by becoming sea foam that kids pee in.

That’s what I have to look forward to.

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4 thoughts on “Friday Angst: the sacrifice

  1. Liesl says:

    Oh my goodness, is this for real? You need to turn your journal into a real book. Seriously, I think I want to burn my teen journals, but this is awesome, especially the sea foam bit!

  2. osutein says:

    “Becoming sea foam that kids pee in”… that is awesome.

    Also, whatever became of Kevin and Melissa? Are they married now and continually tossing beverages of varying temperatures at each others’ heads?

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